At long last our world is becoming more accepting of the Gay, Lesbian Bisexual and Transgender people living in our society. Increasing numbers of bisexuals who are married to a heterosexual spouse are coming out of the closet ready to really start living their lives authentically as the person they were born as. The lack of role models for success has resulted in a difficult journey for many, but in the end many of us are finding pathways to success. There have also emerged a trend of guys opening escort agencies similar to those of girls London escorts but instead they have male escort. It’s a positive step in gay world. It is important to understand that if you put ten bisexuals in a room and ask them to tell you what it means to be bisexual you may very well get ten different answers. This is why I am so fond of saying my bisexual identity is nothing more than a conversation starter because to know who I really am you need to pull up a chair and chat a spell. Our stories are an important part of who we are and I believe we all have an important story to share.
As an overly simplistic example of the variety of ways bisexuals live their life let’s look at sequential and concurrent bisexuals. In simplest terms a sequential bisexual falls in love with the person and not the gender. Sequential bisexuals often have to deal with erasure because while they are with a partner of one gender their attraction to the other gender becomes invisible. This results in others trying to define us, “you must be straight if you are with an opposite gender partner” they say or “I knew it, you were gay all along when with a same gender partner” others will say.
Sequential bisexuals know all about the consequences of the erasure that this mistaken rush to judgment creates. While invisibility occurs passively when no one can see who we are erasure of our bisexuality is a far more hideous consequence because it is done to us. Our bisexual identity is erased simply by someone else’s mistaken belief that who we are with at a given moment defines who we are. The false stereotypes are perhaps the biggest challenge facing sequential bisexuals because by their very definition bisexuals are very happy with their current partner no matter what their gender. This doesn’t change the fact they are bisexual one bit.
Concurrent bisexuals face additional challenges and stereotypes. Concurrent bisexuals discover at some point no one gender will satisfy them. Concurrent bisexuals need the best of both genders in their life at the same time. It is the concurrent bisexual who traditionally has faced some of the greatest impact from stereotypes and negative remarks about bisexuality. We are labeled as promiscuous or selfish or we never grew up. The list of hurtful remarks as a result of false stereotypes is endless. As a result of the constant barrage of hateful remarks many of us became exhausted and surrendered to societies expectations. In my case as well as countless others it was simply easier to deny who we are just to fit societal expectations. Sequential bisexuals have even been known distance themselves from concurrent bisexuals by feeding into the stereotypes and saying we give bisexuals a bad name. We really need to understand that our stories are varied and very individual. Even labeling us as sequential or concurrent bisexual is to do a huge disservice as our relationships and needs are varied and complicated way beyond simple binary definitions. As I am fond of saying a bisexual is who I am not what I do.